Hey guys! I have some news to share with you. Recently, I’ve decided to change.
You know how I was just talking about being self-aware and critical of our own habits? Yeah. Well, in the past, I’d been considering this idea since before I wrote that post. And I had discovered something about myself that I’d never noted before. I’d like to tell you about it, because it really kinda rocked my world.
It happened when I was in the midst of my morning routine. My fingers were still tingling from when I had smashed them into my phone only a few minutes before in customary response to my shrieking alarm. I flopped out of bed, washed my face, and had managed to successfully prop myself in front of the mirror in my room. I typically do this in order to laugh at my zombie-fied reflection until the bleariness clears from my eyes. It’s the best way to ensure that I don’t completely phase out, miss my eye with my mascara brush, and draw sweeping black lines across my temples. Who knows? Maybe that’ll become the hottest trend soon. Though I can’t say I aspire to be the one who starts it.
So anyway, I was sitting in front of the mirror with mascara wand in hand for a solid five minutes or so, lost in thought, dazedly attempting to blink my eyes into submission. But it was only when I had leaned forward, elbow crooked and suspended, ready to lower my eyelashes into the stiff, glossy black bristles of the brush that I was hit with an overwhelming wave of amusement. I jerked my head back and glanced at the shimmery goo I was holding so strategically in front of my face.
This… is… ridiculous, I thought, What on earth am I doing?
I dropped my pose and giggled. Yet as I momentarily sat back in my seat and surveyed my reflection, I felt a peculiar thought wiggle out of the back of my subconscious and hit my brain with a resounding splat.
I’m making myself pretty. I’m nearly 17 years old, of course I’m going to wear makeup. This is the most I can physically do to get close to being as beautiful as everyone else. No makeup = me looking like a little hobo kid. This is just what girls do, right?
Um. Right. So, okay. This is normal. This is just what I need to do to look presentable in public. But then… why does it now feel so silly to me?
Guys, I couldn’t figure it out. I soon gave up trying to work up the inspiration to complete the task at hand and trudged downstairs to eat breakfast. But this idea stayed with me all day long, bumping and turning around in my head until I finally grasped it that night. And when I did, it blew my mind.
I had seriously come to believe that I am incapable of being noticeable until I smear black paste into my eyelashes. I have urgently felt the need to emphasize my eyes in black in order to gain confidence in comparison to the girls around me.
Okay, hold on.
How did I come to accept the belief that I’m not naturally pretty enough?
By comparing myself to others.
So by wearing makeup, does that show that I’m discontent with how I really am?
Now, what does this mean about my subconscious purpose in life? If I invest time into doing it, I must have a reason in doing so that I consider to be worthwhile. So what do I mean to accomplish? What does any girl mean to accomplish by wearing makeup?
I could only find one main answer: attention from boys.
I mean, there is a degree of acceptance that you get from girls automatically if you look pretty, as opposed to if you don’t. People in general are inherently that shallow. But I digress.
I don’t want to be physically attractive to boys. I don’t. Yeah yeah, the results are flattering, but only until the unnecessary flirtation kicks in. So obnoxious.
See, as far as I’m concerned, I’m not here on this planet right now to physically attract boys to myself. I’m here to be their sister. Any chance of extra attraction just gets in the way of genuine friendship. Friendships that actually last go deeper than outside appearances. I want to do all I can to make sure a guy will find my personality alone my most attractive feature. And what’s the only way I can try to make that possible?
By simply being the best me I can manage.
No fake beauty features, no silly lines to make my eyes look brighter than they are. Just me. And if people accept me as I truly am, I’ll be grateful. If they reject me because my appearance may be sub-par in the attractiveness department when compared to the ever-changing standards of the world, I’ll know right off the silliness of their true character and save a bunch of time. Either way, I’m happy. Heck, maybe a guy will find my real face attractive anyway. Stuff happens. But at least I’ll know that it wasn’t a reaction I tried to encourage, you know?
So until my convictions change, I wouldn’t expect to see any extra dark shades gracing my eyelids any time soon. Sure, makeup is fun to wear on special occasions, but apart from that, I really have no use for it. Call me old-fashioned, call me silly. But I’m content with the body I was given. And I don’t intend on pretending to have much of anything else!
Before I stop, I have one last thing left to say. This is for my girls out there. Listen, dear. You don’t need anything but your personality to get what you truly need from the world. I’d like to encourage you to do all you can to let it stand alone and see how that action makes you feel. You might see more of your true self than you ever have before. Just try it out. Be strong.